And POOF, they are gone!

Why has it taken so long to blog now that I have the freedom to do so? Deep down, probably, because I'm not really proud of the job I did with our first foster kids. I imagined sitting around the table discussing Jesus and telling Bible stories and having long, meaningful conversations. I did not anticipate the reality of a 12 year old girl who really didn't care for me all that much and a precious newborn who'd steal my heart.

They were here for 10 weeks. That's a very short time given that the average length of time in any foster home is 8-9 months. They went to the grandparents. This was a good thing. We weren't saddened much at all. I had met the grandparents and we'd had lots of phone conversations and they had pretty much raised the 12 year old girl anyway. She was VERY happy to go and the baby was still young enough that he didn't really care who was meeting his needs. He's an easy baby and always was and I had no doubts he'd be well cared for and protected.

There is a chance they could come back. If the grandparents aren't protective and don't do a good job keeping the parents away from the kids, then they'll likely come back here. The first thing CPS asked when they picked them up was "can they come back?". This would be devastating for the 12 year old. Not because she hated us, but because it would mean her grandparents failed in addition to her parents and the school change would be tough.

So, how did we do? Jim was amazing with the girl and I felt like I loved on that baby boy as well as could possibly be expected. However, Jim's love for the baby and my love for the girl, were not always evident....or in existence at all, truth be told.

Months of foster parenting classes had us ready for kicking, screaming, masturbating, urinating, foul-mouthed cussing, physical attacks and overall hatred of us, our home and our baby girl. We didn't get any of that. You might be thinking we got lucky, huh? Well, sure. Except all the preparation we'd done mentally, emotionally and intellectually was for out of control kids. We got a helpful 12 year old and a tiny sweet baby who slept far better than ours ever did. No tantrums, no defiance, no raised voices! Yet, somehow it was harder than I ever thought it would be. I still can't really explain why. It's all internal and I'm not sure I've digested it all except I was never prepared to be the one foster parent NOT liked by a 12 year old girl. I mean, REALLY? I'm a 12 year old girl's dream come true! I do hair and makeup, I'm hip and cool and love doing crafty stuff and reading Twilight books and watching silly girly movies. Come on! I was NOT prepared for Jim to be the hero and me the competition for his affection. Maybe I shoulda seen that coming?

There were some really hard times where she admitted to us or told CPS about areas in which I was failing her and she was right! She complained to CPS that I spent too much time on my computer.......and I did. There were days I totally avoided her and buried myself in my "work" (yeah, right) so I didn't have to engage. Another time she complained that I rolled my eyes when she talked to her Mom on the phone. OMG.....did she actually see that? Apparently she did and I confess. I was SO annoyed with the silliness of those fake conversations and I could not seem to help myself from exhibiting my disgust. How awful! That poor girl! And here I am thinking I am doing her some sort of favor?

You really should be a bigger person than I am if you're going to do this. My arrogance was out of control!

Okay, enough beating myself up. I will say that I am very proud of the marriage we displayed to her. We argued well, we were appropriately affectionate, she verbalized 'amazement' at our desire to enjoy quality time with each other that was not sexual. Many foster kids never see healthy adult relationships and therefore have no idea what might be wrong with their relationships later in life. But once they see Godly love among a man and a wife, they'll know something is missing or that it doesn't have to be 'this way' later on when they are in a less than standard relationship. I know this because I never saw a good relationship until I was 22. Seriously. I never witnessed a man who cherished his wife until I was 22. And I was a changed person after that. I almost immediately broke up with the guy I was with (who was nothing like what I had just witnessed) and while it took many years to fully elevate my standards, the bar had been set and I was on my up the ladder.

Another thing I want to say, on a positive note, is how amazing all the CPS people were that we worked with. They were professional and caring and even intimately encouraging to me as an individual when needed. I didn't expect this either. I felt very much like we were the only family on their 'books'. The reality is our agency worker has 50+ cases and the CPS workers probably have more than that. How they were able to respond so quickly and so patiently is beyond me.

Will we do it again? After Georgia is born (Oct. 19 due date) I'm sure we will re-assess. As of right now, if I had to make a choice about how to honor God with the calling he laid on our hearts, I'd pursue adoption of 2 boys (older than the girls, maybe 2-5 years old) from the foster care system. But, I'm sure as we put more distance between this experience and the next, we will forget just how hard it was and have a hard time saying no if we were called to do it again. I'd probably be able to say NO to teenage girls pretty easily.....not because they are awful, but because I AM! And I'm pretty sure Jim would leave me if I said yes to another baby! So, we'd have new qualifications this time, where we had none the first time.

Where was God in this? We were like soldiers ready for battle screaming "Give me Foster Kids or Give me Death....We Want to Jump Off the Cliff!" and His response was the two easiest children who ever entered the system. Hmmm. I think that is God's way of saying "Oh, you're both so cute how you think you can handle anything. You can't. You're still being molded and you're still very immature. Let's work on some personal growth, shall we?"

He did work in our hearts and I know seeds were planted in the kid's lives. I wish we'd been more intentional and we now know so much more about our spiritual leadership capabilities where kids are concerned. We have work to do!

We are so grateful for all of the support and love and funding and clothes and toys and beds and car seats you all provided. We never would have done this without the support of Austin Bible as a whole.