God is hard to untangle. I guess that is why we have to pursue Him with all our heart. And the ponytails....well, my interpretation (sorry if I'm off base, Jennie) is that women really struggle to learn how and where we fit into God's plans and what He wants from us. Why does he have to Whisper? I respond better to gutteral barking!
I bet that has something to do with my lack of 'meekness'. I'm cultivating. It's just a slow process.
Her post about God prefering obedience to sacrifice comes from the idea of Saul having made an 'unrequested' sacrifice. It is better to be obedient to what he is asking (even if that means 'wait' or 'go' or 'stop') than to martyr yourself if it wasn't God's nudging, but your own.
This post of Jennie's really made me think. Am I pursuing fostering and adopting because of my own need for adventure and not necessarily God's adventure? Or filling my order for 6 kids? It's even crossed my mind that this could all be an elaborate scheme to not have to exercise. I mean, who would expect me to be able to do that if I have 5 kids? I'm totally off the hook for that.
Or do I just want attention for being 'good'? Is this works based and not faith based?
I know I sounded all confident in my last post, but now I'm shaken again.
Someone PLEASE tell me this is Satan at work in my mind!
Could I give this up if God asked me to? If it all became clear that my motives are wrong (although I'm fairly sure Jim's are pure) could I walk away from this? Would I? Is it MY idea? I am known to force things to happen. In the last several years, most of those things God has blessed and I've considered myself a 'make it happen' kind of girl.
And you know what....that statement brings a bit of clarity! By George! I HAVE made things happen, but I've been walking in community and in the Spirit and God has blessed them. I'm only CLOSER to Him now. Maybe it's just who I am and the way God made me that I'm a 'forcer'. I like it. I'm at peace with this. Please tell me if I'm off base! Jennie, this means you.
Steph,
ReplyDeleteI just think God is so gracious with us. I don’t think fear or doubt or road blocks are signals that you should not do it. In fact, they might be signs that you should.
I love this verse, Jesus saying,”Which of you, if his son asks for bread, will give him a stone? If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!”
If we ask God He will let us in on His will for us. He doesn’t want to keep it a secret to be mean. I have seen such a peace and passion in your eyes as you talk of this. Please go wrestle- but I know you have been seeking God prior to now and He is answering you as you are moving with peace and passion.
Would it be so terrible if you had more than one motive? I have no doubts that fostering will fulfil some kind of "selfish" (if you can possibly call it that) desire in you to have a big family. But how wonderful is it when God's desire and our desires are the SAME???
ReplyDeleteAnd yes, I do think Satan is whispering in your ear a bit. Be on the defense!
But I also think it is really really good that you are constantly making sure your motives are pure and are asking for accountability in this area. Shows real spiritual maturity, Steph! I am so proud to be your friend!