HOME STUDY

They don't study the home so much as they study those living in it. If you think it's awkward to share your life story with church members and small groups, well....that is nothing compared to this! When you share your life story, you're in charge of what you say. During the home study, the tables are turned and you're asked things like:

What would you change about your father?
Have you ever had an unpleasant sexual experience?
How did you mother influence you?
How do you feel about parents who abuse children?
What annoys you about your spouse?
Are you satisfied with the frequency of sex in your marriage?
Describe an unhappy time in your life.
What is the best thing you have to offer an abused child?

Then there are the 'what if' questions:

What would you do if a child wet the bed?
How do you plan to protect siblings from sexually acting out on each other?
What behaviors are deal-breakers for you?
How would you react if a child called you foul names?
How do you plan to make the bio-parents part of the kids lives in your home?

Needless to say, we did a lot of stammering and then my lawyer husband came up with some glossy text book answers to which I added "ditto".

The case worker was very kind and surprisingly easy to talk to. She shed light on some areas where we clearly needed education without making us feel like we should have known better.



We spent a lot of time on this couch on a Sunday from 1pm-8:30pm doing the 'couples' segment and my personal segment. Then Jim did his portion on Monday night for about two and a half hours. It really seemed to fly by.

The hardest part of the whole thing was the case worker mentioning (for the 2nd time) a sibling group of 4 kids that have recently been separated into two foster homes because nobody would take all 4 of them. It sounded as if we were their only hope and if we wanted them, they were ours. We wanted them. Then Monday night, after our case worker talked to others at the agency about the home study on Sunday with me, we were red flagged. My colorful past might be a problem for CPS, I was told. And they fear we don't have enough bedroom space.

Ouch.

We carefully measured the bedrooms and knew that per CPS guidelines we could have up to 7 kids in the two rooms we have. But apparently that is a minimum standard they prefer not to have to utilize. The thinking is that, should kids become sexually active with each other (yes, even very little ones who think it's normal play to do to each other what Daddy did to them) then we wouldn't have individual bedrooms in which to move them. Makes sense. I guess. But how many 5 bedrooms homes are out there with no kids currently in them and owned by parents who want 4 messed up kids?

Then there is my past. Most of you know what it entails, and obviously it's a consideration for CPS. I was assured that the Christian agency does not see it as a problem, but an asset and that they will convey that to CPS. But still. It hurts to think we might be overlooked because of a job I held at age 21. Le Sigh.

They do want to have us come in and discuss what having 4 of these kids would really entail and also options we might have for building onto our house or converting our garage into bedrooms......which is not affordable now since we just bought a minivan! But maybe someday. We were also told we will have a chance to talk directly with CPS if they are hung up on any one element of our home study.

So now we wait. It will take up to 6 weeks for them to type the home study, edit and finalize it. Then we will be licensed.

Just yesterday, we were called and asked to provide respite care for 2 little girls this weekend. We are out of town and had to say no, but at least we are on the hot list!

Also, just an update.....we are still open to any age, any sex, any race and letting the agency decide if we should foster, foster only legal risk kids whose case is leaning toward parental rights being terminated, or straight adopt. All of it is up in the air. Although recently I've been daydreaming about twin 6 year old girls. But my daydreams change as often as my hair color.