A dumb question.

Our 2nd class was last night. It was to learn about Separation, Loss and Grief. I realized I haven't really suffered very much. The biggest loss in my life was that of Gavin. My dear friend's twin baby boy who died very early in his little life leaving his brother, Mason, behind to navigate this big wide world with a super cool dad and a mother that is such an inspiration and mentor to me in my own big wide world of motherhood.

This loss rocked my world. It was the first time anyone close to me had suffered in such an intense way. It made me realize how precious and fragile life is and just how in control God really is. Not a day goes by that I don't think....it could happen to me. And you know what? Knowing that my sweet friend went through it before me and paved the way and knowing that children do not belong to us anyway, I would survive. They are God's children, born to us or fostered or adopted. They are His and we are entrusted to their care. If God decides to take them back or return them to another I have to know it's for His glory and our growth. I know....easier said than done.

Let me get to my dumb question. I asked if during any of these classes we'd be taught how best to deal with a manipulative child who might insist we buy him or her things to show them we love them.

The instructor looked at me blankly as if I was asking if marshmallows were an acceptable breakfast. I wondered, briefly, if I misspoke or somehow wasn't clear. But she rescued me from my uncertainty and delivered me into humiliation when she responded that these kids just want their basic needs met. Food. Shelter. Love. None of them ask for unnecessary items.

When I recovered from feeling like a dumb cheerleader in an advanced literature class, I realized it would take a parent who has taught these children that it's even possible to manipulate in such a way. And that this 'issue' is very much isolated to us Richy-Rich's. And by rich, I mean rich in love, rich in food and rich in shelter. We learned that when trauma happens to children, their brains go into survival mode. They become so focused on the basics that they may not even feel physical pain much less ask for a barbie dream house!